Helicopter parenting
Teenagers who said their parents hovered over them like a helicopter first used the term "helicopter parent" in Dr. Haim Ginott's 1969 book Between Parent & Teenager.
Helicopter parenting is just over-parenting, according to Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., a certified psychologist and the author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box. In excess of competent parenting, it is being active in a child's life in a way that is overcontrolling, overprotecting, and overperfecting, according to Dr. Dunnewold.
Overly involved and protective parenting is referred regarded as "helicopter parenting." These parents hover, just like a chopper. They often get involved in every part of their kids' lives, sometimes to the kids' detriment.
Helicopter parents frequently keep a very tight eye on their children's activities and academic performance in an effort to shield them from harm and disappointment while simultaneously fostering their success. Its common knowledge that helicopter parents micromanage their kids and become deeply involved in every aspect of their life.
How do helicopter parents behave?
Helicopter parenting can take many different forms, such as watching a teenager's shoulder while they complete their schoolwork or riding a bike behind a smaller child at all times.
Although it can begin much earlier in life and last far into adulthood, some people mistakenly believe that it mainly affects teenagers and college students. Here is an example of what helicopter parenting looks like at various ages.
Toddler
· Attempting to stop every little fall or abstaining from age-appropriate risks
· Never letting the child play by themselves
· Continually requesting progress reports from the preschool teacher
· Preventing the development of age-appropriate independence
Primary school
· Contacting the principal to ensure the child obtains a particular teacher because they are regarded as the best
· Selecting a child's pals on their behalf
· Placing them in activities without consulting them
· Completing your child's schoolwork and assignments
· Not allowing the youngster to resolve issues on their own
Adolescence and beyond
· Not allowing your kid to make decisions that are age-appropriate
· Overcommitting to their academic pursuits and extracurricular activities in an effort to prevent failure or disappointment
· Having their college professor know about their failing grades
· Stepping in to resolve disputes with their friends, coworkers, or employers
Allow Your Kids to Fail
Failure is unpleasant, but it can teach you something. Failure is a necessary aspect of development, whether it occurs in school, a hobby, or a sport. Allowing your children to experience failure won't set them back in life. In reality, failing teaches you valuable lessons.
These minor setbacks and disappointments help youngsters develop resilience abilities and teach them how to deal with difficult emotions, according to Dr. Reynolds. "Although it may be tough for parents to witness their kids going through difficult emotions, it helps kids understand that the emotions are fleeting and they can manage them. Children gain the confidence they require to be able to tackle such difficult situations in the future by overcoming difficult situations.
Why does helicopter parenting happen?
There are many reasons why parents utilise a helicopter approach, and sometimes these reasons are rooted in more serious problems. Knowing this can make it easier for you to comprehend why someone (or yourself) would feel compelled to over-involve themselves in their child's lives. Potential reasons include:
Fear about the future
Some parents are adamant that their children's actions now have a significant impact on their future, and helicopter parenting is viewed as a strategy to avoid problems later in life.
Fears of uncertainty about the future can be sparked in a child by receiving a poor grade, being dropped from a sports team, or not being accepted into the college of their choosing.
Anxiety
Some parents may go to great lengths to avoid their child experiencing hurt or disappointment because they feel emotionally distraught and frightened when they do.
They might not comprehend, however, that disappointment and pain are a natural part of life and aid in a child's development and increase in fortitude. (Just consider how frequently we, as adults, admit that going through a difficult experience makes us stronger.)
Seeking a feeling of direction
Another factor contributing to helicopter parenting is when a parent's self-worth is entwined with that of their child. Success for their child makes them feel like better parents.
Overcompensation
Perhaps the helicopter parent vowed that their children would never experience parental love or protection in the way that they experienced.
This is an admirable and very normal emotion. While this might break the cycle of neglect, some parents overreact and give their kids more attention than is necessary.
Peer influence
Peer pressure impacts adults as well as children, not just kids. Therefore, parents who are surrounded by helicopter parents may feel under pressure to adopt this method of raising their children out of a fear that others would perceive them as being less effective parents if they don't.
How to stop becoming a helicopter parent
Therefore, how can a parent raise their kids without impeding their ability to acquire crucial life skills? "As parents, we have a really difficult task," says Dr. Gilboa. We need to keep an eye on both the grownups we are attempting to raise and our children right now, including their stressors, strengths, and emotions. Both our children and us must endure some suffering in order to get them there.
Putting this into practise, it entails assisting kids in overcoming setbacks and letting them experience disappointment and hardship. Additionally, it entails letting your kids complete tasks that they are physically and intellectually capable of.
We may raise the resilient, self-assured children we need by keeping in mind to look for opportunities to pull back from our child's challenges, according to Dr. Gilboa.
Helicopter Parenting's Effects
Many helicopter parents begin with admirable goals. It can be difficult to strike the right balance between being involved in our kids' life and keeping an eye on them while doing so, according to Dr. Gilboa.
Helicopter parenting has several negative repercussions, some of which include the following.
Decreased self-assurance and respect
According to Dr. Dunnewold, the major issue with helicopter parenting is that it often backfires. The underlying message that children receive from [the parent's] excessive engagement is that "my parent doesn't trust me to accomplish this on my own."
Inadequate coping mechanisms
How can a child ever learn to deal with disappointment, loss, or failure if a parent is constantly on hand to clean up their mess or avoid the issue altogether? Therefore, helicopter parenting may result in behaviours that are not healthy.
Elevated anxiety
Over parenting is linked to increased levels of child anxiety and depression, according to a 2014 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies. Researchers discovered that college students whose parents were overly interested experienced the same thing.
A feeling of entitlement
Children who have always had their parents make adjustments to their social, academic, and athletic lives may get accustomed to getting their way all the time, which may lead to a sense of entitlement.
Lacking in life skills
Even after children are physically and psychologically capable of performing the task, parents who constantly tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, wash laundry, and keep track of their children's academic achievement prevent children from learning these skills.
