Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
The bothersome aspect of confidence is how effortless and uncomplicated it appears in those who possess it:
- The self-assured coworker who never hesitates to speak up and provide their opinions during meetings.
- The self-assured spouse enters dinner parties with ease and strikes up conversations with strangers right away.
Additionally, even while some people may come out as innately more confident, at least in some circumstances, it is always feasible to boost your own self-assurance.
Learning to be more confident involves a variety of elements, of course. But one of the largest barriers to confidence I've seen in my work as a psychologist—and one that most people seem to overlook—is this:
The remaining sections of this essay will examine three limiting ideas that could be preventing you from becoming more confident. You'll be well on your way to replacing them with healthier, more self-assured beliefs if you can learn to recognize them.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø To behave confidently, I must first feel confident.
Not at all, no.
You really have it backward completely:
It is blatantly false that you need to feel more confident to do something you'd like to feel more confident about:
· Want to bring up that dangerous proposal at your team meeting for the first time? Although it would be wonderful if you had confidence when pitching it, you can still execute it regardless of how you feel.
· Want to submit your first YouTube video but are worried about how others would react? Although it would be wonderful if you were sure that everyone will enjoy it, that has nothing to do with your ability to click the "Publish" button.
Doing difficult tasks is undoubtedly difficult! However, just because something is challenging doesn't imply that you won't be able to complete it.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø Although it's wonderful to have confidence, acting doesn't require it.
In any case, you won't be able to start doing difficult things unless you accept the notion that you can do difficult things even when you don't feel ready.
However, here's the catch.
You might read that and conclude, "Yes, that's true." This false belief won't be able to keep me from moving forward any longer. However, until your brain receives confirmation, or until it witnesses your new belief in action, it won't truly accept it or believe it.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø Beliefs are changed by deeds, not by words.
And the confidence that you can accomplish challenging tasks even when you don't feel prepared won't surface until you demonstrate to yourself that it is true by your actions.
Make your acts more daring if you want to feel more certain.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø I'm too concerned about what other people think.
I have spent a lot of time with anxious people, especially those who are socially anxious, as a psychologist with a focus on anxiety.
Contrary to popular belief, the cause of worry is frequently not dread of what others may think. The dread that truly paralyzes people is the worry of having excessive social anxiety.
ConThree limiting notions that undermine your confidencefidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø I'm not as self-assured as people believe.
Combining the first two limiting beliefs, the third limiting thought prevents people from feeling confident. Let's recap
• The initial limiting thought preventing you from acting confidently was, "I need to feel confident to act confident."
• I worry too much about what other people think was the second limiting belief.
Ø Not having anxiety is the issue. Your lack of confidence is caused by your fear of anxiousness.
The idea that it's completely unnecessary to care about what other people think has permeated our culture.
Nonsense!
Fundamentally social creatures, humans are. Our ability to establish intricate social connections and cooperate gives us a distinct competitive advantage. We excel in comprehending (and feeling) what other people are thinking and feeling, which is why we are so good at complex social connections. Simply put, empathy
It's totally natural for the majority of non-psychopaths to care about and worry about what other people might think of you!
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø The idea that you shouldn't worry about what others may think is what's truly preventing you from being confident.
Here's an illustration:
• Your partner inquires about your plans for dinner on your date night.
• You've been hankering after Indian food. However, you are aware that your spouse dislikes Indian food, leading you to consider saying "Italian" instead.
• You're feeling anxious right now, but it's not that horrible. Your confidence is severely destroyed by what comes next.
• God, why am I always so indecisive?! You ask yourself, fearing that your spouse won't like Indian if you propose it. I wish I had the self-assurance to just decide.
• You'll start to feel anxious and unsure of yourself at this point. The cause is that you've elevated your lack of assurance to an existential degree...
• You initially merely had some mild apprehension and doubt. But now that your limiting belief—that you shouldn't feel anxious—has been activated, you've formed an opinion about your moral character and your personality.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø The most crucial thing you can do if you lack social confidence is to forgive yourself for caring about what other people think.
You have no control over whether you first experience some anxiety or indecision, but you do have influence over what happens next. Do you judge your character and worth as a person harshly or do you accept that caring about other people's opinions is common and that it's okay to choose despite feeling a bit uncertain or anxious?
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
The ability to accept some early fear as entirely normal and healthy is the key to having social confidence.
ConfidencThree limiting notions that undermine your confidencee. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
The notion that confidence is relative is the third limiting premise on your confidence:
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
Ø Because how confident you think you are depending on what other people think.
This is frequently referred to as imposter syndrome. But here's what the majority of people misunderstand about imposter syndrome:
A few brief instances
• Even though you're confident that you've prepared well for your department's monthly presentation, you worry that people will "see through you" and conclude that you're not as skilled as the other project managers.
• Although you feel you are qualified for the position, you are scared the interviewer will think you lack confidence.
• You enter the dinner party feeling confident at first, but as you take in everyone's accomplishments and aspirations, you start to feel self-conscious and fear that you won't fit in.
Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
One thing unites all of these instances:
Your lack of confidence isn't the true issue; rather, it's that you rely on your assessment of your confidence's viability on outside circumstances.
The answer is to fight the need to measure your self-confidence by other people and external standards. Allow yourself to make the decision as to what confidence actually is.
Three limiting notions that undermine your confidence
